Shaows and regrets

Jesus Christ, I haven't blogged in weeks.

Then again, as often as I considered blogging, I realized that it was pointless.
I haven't been doing anything exciting, and most of my future blogs will be about what I'm doing down in LP-MEX, so I guess I've been sorta waiting on that to settle.
Usually doing stuff, leads to good writing.
Remaining stagnant... well, keeps you stagnant.

What I fear however, can be explained lyrically:

I am back.

Back in town.

And everything has changed.

I feel, feel let down.

The faces stay the same.

I see, see shadows of who we used to be.

When I drive, drive so slow through this memory...

It's a Yellowcard song, called "Shadows and Regrets."

Unfortunately, it may be my theme song to summer '09.

I keep having this same reoccuring dream.

He's there, but it's not him.

I haven't seen him in my dreams for several months, but then again, I do.

I see him, but it's not him.

I know it's him, but it doesn't look like him.

Not quite sure what that means, but the dreams are scary as fuck.

Anyway, I leave next Wednesday.

Can't breathe when I think about it...

More to come on that subject later, I don't want to think about it for the time being.

On a lighter note, I went to the soccer game a couple days ago with Juan.

Fucking amazing.

Mexico demolished Venezuela 4-0, and I was there to witness with my own two eyes.

Sort of a recompense for Spain losing to the fucking U.S.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Anyway, the days have been going by pretty fast and keeping myself occupied helps.

It helps a lot.

Goddamn, I have not updated in a long ass time.

Goddamn, I have not updated in a long ass time.
Fortunately, I have several things to mention.


First and foremost:

"Mary Jane used to be my main, till I met the white girl, cocaine."

That's pretty much self-explanatory.

Also, Gucci Mane is the absolute shit.

I mean, some of his lyrics are phenomenal.

Haha, or just simply amusing.

"I come in with that too much flexing."

-Gucci Mane

Life at home still sucks, and I can't wait to fucking move out.

If I had the chance to, I'd do it in a heartbeat- no pun intended to the earlier references to cocaine.

Yeah, avoid drinking at home at all costs because you risk getting caught, while also somehow managing to forget that you ran outside to play basketball at 3 in the morning on a Monday night.

True story.

Well, I never knew how good Jager was.

And I'm not sure why Banini spells it with an e, instead of an a.

But anyway, that got Annalee and I through the first half of the day at school yesterday.

"I like to feel warm and nice."

Hahaha.

So somebody did something really sweet for me this week.

They got me a Panda pez dispenser thingy.

So fucking adorable.

But I'm not sure what it means.

I know I did enjoy receving looks of disgust from flamingo look-alikes though.

Today was Adri's last official day at Newton.

It's gonna fucking suck ass next year when she's not in the backroom.

And then to top it off, the new layout editor is a fucking weirdo.

Ugh, he actually makes Jesse look good, if that says anything.

I hope Annalee demolishes him.

But our little group should be doing some neat-o shit soon.

Oh! And Adri's bf, Matt, is re-piercing my industrial SOON.

I'm excited.

I fucking love that Cuban.

And damnit, I thought I had more things to say, but I guess not.

Besides that the number 22 got me to exempt my RamPage final.

Thank youuuuuuu P.S

<3

Shitty day for the most part

I haven't updated in a while, so I feel the need to do so.

I fucking hate nostalgia.
Hate it with passion.
I pretty much long to be back home, long to be back in LP.
I'd sacrifice a lot to be there right now.
At work, Rey told me I could have a maxium of 10 vacation days.
10 days?
Compared to last year's six weeks?!
Fuck that weak bullshit.
It's not enough.
Then again, it's more than nothing.
I'm filled with uncertainty about how things are going to go.
It's been five and a half months.
I hate not being there.
So, this summer is going to fucking blow.
More than a slut.

On that note, nostalgia also hit when I saw my ex-best friend's Facebook.
I didn't know I actually missed him.
It'd been several months since he crossed my mind.
We were best friends from first grade until last year.
I told him all my secrets, all my thoughts, all my ideas.
He knew almost everything about me.
Then one day, he said he couldn't handle me anymore.
Said I changed too drastically for him, and quite too often.
That I would go from trying to do good, to becoming this awful awful person.
But I was there for him through it all.
I was there for him when he lost his faith (literally.)
I was there for him through it all.
And when he chose to become a Christian again, he left me.
I hated him for it, but I hated myself more for having to accept who I really was.
Ten years.
Down the drain.
It hurt.
A lot.
But I realize, he never loved me.
If he did, he would've stuck by, through thick&thin.

I'm not sure why I felt so sad today.
But I notice this reoccuring pattern in my life:
Eventually, everyone leaves.
No one ever stays forever.
No one.
Talk about mad depression today.

On the bright side, (there is always one), Annalee & Banini are now officially together :)

I'm very happy for both of them.

Tanning topless

Tanning topless is the shit at the Yellow River.
I've never felt so comfortable being practically naked in public.
And I mean public, because other people were semi-near.
Fuck it, but whatever.
It was fun.

Unfortuntately, I had been feeling like caca since 5th period.
My left shoulder felt like it was being clawed by a polar bear who had filed his nails to an 87 degree again, so they'd be extra sharp and pointy.
I haven't experenced such physical pain since volleyball/soccer injuries.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Even Sheldon let me go to the nurse because I started crying in 6th.
I hate crying.
But I can't help physical pain, I guess.

Then at the river, it's like the pain migrated to my ribs.
I might go to the doctor tomorrow.
But I don't know.
I just hope this passes and that the next time we go back, I won't feel like caca again.
Hope Annalee and Adri didn't mind me being stuck in the fetal position the last few minutes we were there.
I wish we could've stayed longer...

Things have been good.

So, I've spent the last couple of days doing awesome shit with Annalee and Adri.


I think I'll just call them A&A or A squared, haha.


But yes, yesterday we went to the Yellow River.


And no, I don't have fucking AIDS or any sort of other random STD, thank you very much.




It was breathtaking.

I wish we could have stayed longer.

But of course, we went during our "ad-selling" promos.

With this other random girl.

Kinda killed it.

On the bright side, we do plan to go back just to sprawl out topless (oooh la la) and expose ourselves to the sun.
And perhaps to random pedestrians/drivers if we're in eyesight.

Oh! And maybe with the company of green apples.

Or some shit like that, if Annalee figures it out.



Today we went to Stonecrap Mall.

But before that, we stopped at Goodwill and I got an amazinnnnnnn' vest.

Totally retro and fucking badass.

Props to the professional antiquer/thrifter.

Anyway, at the mall, Adri kept leaning over when she was shopping, -like she wanted it from the back- when I would always be behind her.

Seriously.

Just had to throw that in there.

We ate tofu there as well in the food court.

Adri didn't like it, nor the tea, nor the egg roll.

Fucking priss.
She should've been named Priscilla :P

Ha, actually she's sick.

Oh, and I got a couple of panda-related items.

No one fucking believed me when I said I was starting a new collection.

Hell yes.

Aww, and we love Siberian Huskies.

But apparently chihuahua's are not cool...

Anyway, I guess the biggest lesson learned today was that big boobs get in the way of a lot of things.

Amen.

Confrontation fails/strong jaws and cheekbones

Currently at Annalee's house, holding a stuffed red panda in my lap.

I'm going to get straight to the point:
I wish I had balls.
And no, not bouncy ones or male genitalia, but guts.
Real, hard guts. (Okay, technically in the metaphorical sense, but whatever.)
I can't fucking confront anyone worth a shit.
Yeah, the whole one-on-one talks completely terrify me. And I mean one-on-one confrontation talks where there is actually something to confront. With someone.
Ugh.
I don't know why this bothers me so much.
Maybe it's because I'm generally a social person.
And it's not like I crave attention, but it's nice to be noticed.
In a positive way.
Anyway, back to my lack of my confrontation.
It bothers me.
And I should do something about it.
But then again, I don't think I will.
So why the fuck am I complaining?
FML.

P.S I notice I like defined facial structure ;D
And so does Annalee.
We both think it's sexy.
Strong jaws and cheekbones :)
Let's give that a stranJAY.

Just mere thoughts in a lyrical fashion

I don't think there will ever be another song that will entirely capture what I feel, other than this.

If It Means A Lot To You- A Day to Remember

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qZN5hOJFz4

"And hey darling
I hope you're good tonight
And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
Yeah I want it but no I don't need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by

'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing
La, la la la la la la
'Til everyone is singing If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

And hey sweetie
Well I need you here tonight
And I know that you don't want to be leaving me
Yeah you want it but I can't help it
I just feel complete when you're by my side
But I know you can't come home 'til they're singing

La, la la la la la la
'Til everyone is singing
La, la la la la la la
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can't wait through everything
Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually

La, la la la la la la
Now everybody's singing
La, la la la la la la"


I really hope this swine flu does not intervene with my summer plans of traveling to Mexico.
It's pretty much the only thing that's kept me going for the past five months.
Classes have been canceled down there until May 6th.
They're taking it pretty seriously.
And I don't know how Mayra's doing.
Got in contact with Baby D though, who is the one that revealed the school info to me.
I just want to be down there :/
Even with all the drug trafficking and now this.

Fucking nostalgia gets to me every single day.